There was a time when I, like many other teenagers with Internet access, loved Chuck Norris jokes. I'm not proud of every moment in my life. But it's only recently I've started realising how deeply fucked-up this bearded Bible-thumper is.
Get a load of this shit.
This is a guy who has been quoted as saying Texas should secede from the US and form its own republic governed by the Ten Commandments. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard; there's no fist, but there's no fucking chin. Got to wonder how many of the racist, inbred dickheads who think he's a natural leader for Texas would react if they did enough reading to find out his real name's Carlos - just like one a' them there dirty Mex'kins!
Most of the people who would vote for Chuck are the type who tend to wear at least one item of camouflaged clothing almost all the time, as if to proclaim 'I am wearing this item of military-looking clothing, therefore I am quite dangerous in a rhetorical, Deep Southern, don't-tread-on-my-Bible's-laws-or-I'll-murder-a-doctor sort of way'. The problem is that it actually comes across to most people as 'I'm wearing this piece of camo, because soldiers wear camo, and therefore I think I look like a soldier and THAT MAKES ME AWESOME.' If Caps Lock is cruise control for cool, wearing camo outside of the damn military is cruise control for looking like you dressed with the lights on.
I realise that this might sound hypocritical of me, however: I have been a fan of Mr. T since I was a child and it seems to me that he is the perfect example of down-to-earth manly philosophy: "When you see me now, I'm nothing but a big overgrown tough mama's boy. And I speak that with glee because the problem with society is we don't have enough mama's boys." Compare that to Norris' hypocrisy - wants the Bible running the US, but I bet you the fucker's eaten lobster before - and there's really no contest.
Fuck Chuck. T helps you see.