Friday, December 24, 2010

Happier Holidays

We don't like religious supremacists here.

We don't like any kind of divisive shit like the fake 'war on Christmas'.

We don't like people using the winter solstice as a 'reminder' of this myth that the US was meant to be a theocracy.

So, just for once this year, I'm going to shut up about those things. Because at this point in the year, I don't even like not liking them. For this weekend alone I'm going to focus solely and without exception on the good things in my life.

Speaking as someone who finds it hard to actually express affection most of the time, I'm dedicating this end-of-year post to the person who makes it easiest for me to do so.

With that in mind, until this holiday's over I relinquish the anger and the sense of injured innocence, and the stance against bigotry and fuckheadedness. Just for now, I don't care. We're going to be spending this Christmas apart, and I'm going to be thinking solely of her.

Find someone you're happy with, and stay next to them as much as you can over this weekend. If you're around them all the time, make a special effort anyway. If only for the sake of those of us who can't do the same.

Have a good holiday, guys.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

As If By Magic

Okay, Catholics, good job, you managed to slow down your atrocities and let another organised religion demonstrate how fucking barbaric it is. Now if only you can hold out until the new year...oh wait. Fuck all of you then.

Not twenty-four hours after the request in the last post, and what happens? A Muslim-supremacist hate group starts putting up anti-Crimbo posters in London.

Holy shit, though, look at the lettering on that poster (embedded for those of us who kinda feel like they need a shower after reading the comments on that Mail report):

Holy FUCKING SHIT. Do NOT get me started, you fundie fuckwits. "Rights for man, woman and child"? Who the fuck are they kidding? The very word Islam means submission. Women are property and men are assumed to be unable to control their rapin' muscles if they see an inch of female skin. Real human-rights advocacy here, huh? And what about that accusation of paedophilia? It's true with a lot of Catholic priests, and occasionally a few other denominations - but which fucking faith is it again, just remind me please, who happily state that their greatest prophet married a nine-year-old girl?

Let's look at the rest of that shit. Rape? Okay, yeah, sure, 'cause most imams would never agree with the idea that if a married man is horny, it is then his wife's duty to be a RECEPTACLE for him. Right.

They're right about the paganism, in that the whole freaking winter celebration was adopted by Christianity to match up with existing pagan seasonal celebrations and make it easier to gain converts. Domestic violence? Quran 4:34 says "Good women are obedient. They guard their unseen parts because God has guarded them. As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them." So basically, if your wife starts thinking, smack her 'til she can't. Fuck that noise.

Also, how the shit is a nightclub an evil? It's a big noisy shitpile where people go to make cattle-market decisions about who to have a drunken one-night stand with, fine. But is it actually morally wrong, compared to a group of people who can come up with slogans like 'Behead those who say Islam is violent'?

Apparently the fucker organising this shit is only two years older than me. Come on, you sons of bitches, this generation's meant to be the one that starts making rational decisions!

For Fuck's Sake, Catholics


Seriously. Salvation Army, Pope, Salvation Army, Pope, Pope...(Goose?) - if it weren't for the utterly fucking worthless family of that girl who played Padma Patil in the Harry Potter films beating her and threatening to murder her for dating outside of Islam, my half of this blog would turn into the All Catholic Dickery All The Time Site.

Okay. Get this. The Pope, in a piece of news that was mentioned to me by a bro with the intro 'light blue touch paper and stand well back', has declared that the systemic, serial rape of children by Catholic priests all over the world starting in the second century AD is....society's fault. Yes, really. He really, honestly did use the same excuse as the juvenile delinquents in West Side Story. More specifically:

"The psychological destruction of children, in which human persons are reduced to articles of merchandise, is a terrifying sign of the times," Benedict said.

He said that as recently as the 1970s, pedophilia wasn't considered an absolute evil but rather part of a spectrum of behaviors that people refused to judge in the name of tolerance and relativism.

What the fuck? Now I wasn't around until after the Seventies were over, but I'm reasonably fucking certain the only people around then who didn't consider it absolutely evil to rape a child were child rapists. I'm just gonna stick another bit in here 'cause it's too typically at odds with reality to miss:

"In the 1970s, pedophilia was theorized as something fully in conformity with man and even with children," the pope said. "It was maintained - even within the realm of Catholic theology - that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself. There is only a 'better than' and a 'worse than.' Nothing is good or bad in itself."

Where the fuck was this guy in the 1970s where people thought that? - oh, wait, that's right, in charge of covering up the systemic, serial rape of children by Catholic priests. No wonder he got the impression it was more accepted, all the cool clergy were doing it.

I mean, it's not even much new, that's the depressing part. There's suddenly a lot less surprise in noting that the Pope is behaving like an eight-year-old when it comes to excuses for shit that was done on his watch.

But seriously, Catholics. Give the other faiths time to piss me off too. This is just selfish.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

If This Is Salvation, Don't Salve Me Bro

For FUCK'S SAKE. It's as if these dickhats were deliberately trying to piss people off so they could point to the reaction and say they're being, that's the Westboro Baptists.

This is all over Pharyngula and a couple of other places, but the basics are as follows:

The Salvation Army are being assflakes again destroying any Harry Potter or Twilight toys donated to them, without telling the donors.

The FUCK. No shifting to other charities (because that would be 'supporting the toys'), no returning them not even any notification to the people who've spent money on these that they're just going to be thrown out for not being Jesusy enough. Oddly enough, according to the article, toy machine guns are absolutely fine. Just not witches and vampires and werewolves.

Someone at their policy office needs their genitals kicked into their lungs.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

I Smell Ararat

Hahahaha, holy shit. This one's a doozy.

Anyone who's familiar with the creationist agenda, particularly in the US and places like Turkey where they've banned the teaching of evolution, knows that every time a creatard is faced with any part of the giant freakin' mountain of evidence that they're wrong, they'll either accuse the scientists involved of being wrong, or part of a conspiracy. Or sometimes both.

Well, it's gone beyond that now. The link's to the WorldNet(or Nut) Daily site, so don't click it if you're worried about infectious stupid, but basically two groups of creationists are having a huge fucking whining contest at each other, because each claims to have info on the 'real' Noah's Ark, and they both disagree.

If there isn't already an international signal for 'RETARD', this makes a very strong case for its necessity. Not content with screaming accusations of 'unfairness' at every scrap of evidence proving their fucking fairytale wrong - even though the same story necessitates every single animal species EVER, alive or dead, living within walking distance of Noah's house - now they're accusing each other of conspiracy to stop the wrong sort of Christians being favoured with positive media attention. And get this:

Noah's Ark Ministries International is firing back at the report, stating, "We are very disappointed and enraged by some Christian scholars, who used partially factual, and plausible-yet-false materials, piled into an article looking like a scholarly report, with bold titles accusing NAMI of making a fraud. It severely maligned and hurt this organization and the exploration-team members. ...

"Most of the materials in it are based on creating or speculating a story line, by connecting the fragments of facts publicized by this organization at different situations, and put into a made-up beginning and end, and compiled into a document that misleads readers."

...I almost don't have the heart, it's too easy...but stick a fucking 'King James Version' label on the start of that report and they'll accept it without question. Seriously, everyone who's read any report ever about the Bible that's tried to mesh it with modern evidence has seen the same fucking procedure.

This report leaves me feeling very conflicted. I find it hilarious, but the hilarity itself leaves me feeling guilty. It's a lot like this:

See? Neither group of creatards has a hope of contending seriously, but it's simultaneously wince-makingly awful and gut-bustingly funny to watch them turn on each other.

Except honestly, if two disabled people got into a fight, it wouldn't be funny. We can only laugh at that 'cause it's safely fictional...coincidentally, so is the fucking ark, but the groups of morons fighting over it are ROFLworthy.

As for what I can safely call a relatively common-sense debunking of Noah's Ark as a story, I'll include this: and look! He's got a book too, and it has PICTURES! It must be even more accurate!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Der Kinderliebe

Well, Belgium started it off with these pieces of shit and their little 'lapses of morality', and (arguably more importantly) the way the church as an organisation worked its ancient saggy tingling arse off to hide the evidence.

Well, now Germany's uncovering some of its own, and the statistics are pretty horrifying to date.

The lawyer heading up the investigation, Marion Westpfahl, said at a press conference on Friday that the available records pointed to huge gaps in the documentation between 1945 and 2009. She added this hinted strongly at a "systematic system of cover-up," in which few abuse cases were criminally prosecuted.

"Only 26 priests were convicted for sexual offences," Westpfahl explained to reporters, saying she found 365 files containing evidence that "acts of abuse had taken place in an almost commonplace manner."

"We have to assume that there is a large unknown number [of abuse cases]," she said. "We are dealing with the extensive destruction of files."

The incriminating evidence Westpfahl found among 13,200 available files implicated 159 priests, 15 deacons, 96 religion teachers and six pastoral employees, with rural areas particularly affected.
The victims' suffering often remained a mystery, she said, as the reports usually discussed abuse in coy euphemisms.

FUCK. Again. And the sickest bit?

"For me, these were surely the worst months of my life," Marx told reporters on Friday. "I felt shame, grief and dismay. As a church, we ask forgiveness for those things done by our church employees."

'Cause it's all about how members of the clergy are suffering, after all. Filth.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Conan O'Brien

Just watching Conan O'Brien like I do almost every night. And I was a little surprised when he pulled off his pants... to show his fabulous jeggings.

If you don't know what jeggings are, don't feel bad! It's simply leggings that are made to look like jeans.

On a girl, they look very attractive. On Conan O'Brien... not so much.

But the crowd went wild!

This did remind me of when I was in the store, looked through the magazines, and saw People Magazine's Sexiest Man of the Year cover. What surprised me was I saw a little picture of Coco (and one of Depp) listed as a sexy man. That was going a little too far!

He is a nice looking guy, and he looks manly with a beard, but... really.

That's just going too far. :)


According to Congressman Steve King, who cannot possibly be the most racist person in American politics, and his side kick from Minnesota, the ever stupid Michelle Bachmann, did you know that your money is in danger of being taken away by the infamous blacks?

Who we all know to be either thieves or slaves... They are taking our money, and they feel entitled to take it for being thieves and slaves. How dare they.

I mean, I thought that my taxes were in danger of being taken away by politicians who waste it on golf and hiring famous musicians on so called business getaways! Who knew that it is really being taken by men and women who are supposedly being subjected to racism that, I am sure, was settled hundreds of years ago and could not have been going on until 15 years ago!

Who knew that these people who are subjected to the racist and cultural chains of being born black (and poor), in communities filled with crime and fear and hate and a lack of jobs and education are really thieves who are only after our jobs and moneys?